first of all

all files i made out here on

the socalled world wide web

were put by me only as a test,

that is to say: i only

handtype all the codes and text coming

and inserting images along

without premade result-obeying presumption

and so every now & then i return

to some files sort of at

random to modify

those but only to my liking


anyway totally regardless of needing any

judgments of others

though in all respect to those whomever

others

i shun any competition

because competition is killing

any truly creative act

meaning: killing

any truly creative deed

and competition causes abuse

because one needs another

to defeat

which is indeed and in deed the principle
of war

so competition is indeed

in deed deeply unhealthy

and responsible for the state

of general world's society

as well as the state of the art

and the ultra-conservative economic

system around especially the art world

which world is similar as all

other aspects

in each deepest origin

in our very own created

by each one of us

system of world

based in the insane

ambitious want

of fame

in whatever form

but based on fear, despair and all

negative and very underestimated

pre-notions

of a very rudimentary state

of being human

and in a way

only insult to creation

or to poesis

so the origin of creation

which we cannot grasp

and cannot finish in our minds

for that will mean to kill

again


we humans as now

are not crown or king of creation

but we are the lowest

lesser than any virus

the way we behave

when letting us lead

by insane others

and taking for granted

the way of the world


the irritation of my structure

maybe

as well as the irritation of my english

that i name unnative english

forces however to be native

within oneself

and to totally shun all dogma

ties

and resist that people will ever

look up to any poet

for the looking up to another

is implying to look down

upon such other as well

as to totally ignore one's own

talent

assuming that one has to have

a talent that should exclude

others

from participation

as is however deeply within our education
mode

wherein we teach mostly

our children to be

utterly stupid

because we only seem

to care for the children

mostly

exclusively

made from our own fucking

and mostly only even

expect from others

like politicians

to safeguard our very self fucked

offspring


though politicians are only people

too

mostly only dealing

with detailed party perspective

arguments

and rhetoric structures used

to fulfill the party's plan

often careless about the need

for all

it even also seems to be totally

forgotten that democracy

is based on the individuals consisting

society as a whole

so any politician is in democracy but

a tool to execute

all of our individual demands

may we be conscious of our will

and the distinction between free will

or being slave will

and worst of all

to think

and think that thoughts are all

there is

and to think that all this here

made by me

is unimportant

but that it is for example more important

to eat bread with chocolate

rather

and so totally ignoring

the way the bread and the chocolate

were earned

mostly

and luckily

not always

or to think that i am important

or that i want to be important

or to think that one oneself has to be

of importance

as importance

in being more

important

than others

not seeing the beasty-human

preoccupation

with the lowest most raw primitive

top of ego layer

while one's ego can

have a role of depth

and interesting

investigation

in loneliness

from which basis

one can freely love

anyone

and anything

as long as one doesn't

expect the other

one or other thing

to respond

and if one does expect such response then

investigate the development

of growth

into maturity

hopefully

and growing out of the state

of adolescence

or puberty

of humanity

and see one can develop

the way of the world

for that is

the only part

we have power in

and since we are fond of power

this is another way

already spoken since ancient times

as one voice

grown from the silence

that is always

inbetween the noise

or any sound

proving anyway

that uniqueness

has a limit

where it comes to the implication

of separate authority

which is the would be unique one

as the having to be unique one

from where separation is caused

even blaming such on even socalled destined creatures

who live out of themselves

(metonymic speach: who live within themselves)

which is out of the one voice

(metonymic speach: which is in the one voice)

in the silence

(metonymic speach: out the silence)

that is mostly however alien to the state of world

as now

causing even those

to be regarded at as saints

or so

instead of simply humans

or in any other way excluding them

from full participation

in society

to let them sort of rot away

and waste their talents

as mostly people waste their own

which implies that mostly humans

underestimate and overestimate

themselves

and not taking in difference

as eigenschap, as unique character

inherent to creation

which then causes a pre-crash in communication

and one of the causes

so is competition

having a ray of consequences


though nowadays

as the situation of world

still

maybe still

is

has some advantage too:

that the economic system around art

is the most conservative

when related to the often innovative character

of art as phenomenon

regardless of whether it would sell

makes however so that art

will be most likely truly free chosen

to work in

as some creator of works

for in fact so regardless

of any success

but only sort of being

backed up by one's own

free will

alone

going through sort of

"hardships"

and learning then so

the beauty of life

and lots on being

human

though such "hardships" have a limit

which only limit is that one

has to be able

to work on

somehow

and here it is that often comes

the sort of turningpoint

or the point of no return :

1) or one finds money
2) or one dies

and the inherence of option '1'

can be :

a) one has in fact become unfaithful to one's own work
b) one is luckily surviving for the moment
c) one receives so much money that one could fill
20 lives of prosperity with it

and the inherence of option '2'

can be:

a) still a spark of what one did might help to evolve
b) one is added to the data of what others did
for giving historical perspective and identity help (maybe)
c) one returned to where one came from all before (maybe)


but fame causes

or selling in many editions the same

with the danger of blocking development

or selling one unique piece

with the danger of jaelousy

which is merely some side~effect

of competition

or being conservative

as implying wanting to keep

as implying wanting no change

causing somehow inflation

unnoticed

where it comes to development

too

and causing more or less mono choice

or monopoly~like

economic structure

going with the looking

for security

in this but temporary environment

as however each one

famed

can never be

because in fact fame

is an illusion in itself

also when it would be

possible

that each human would be

famous

for then there would be

equality

and anyway no reason

for fame at all

and too then

probably seen that each one

is anonymous

and remained anonymous

and in this anonimity

a relation feeling

with being

in being

anonymous

and fine

unoppressed brilliance

can be

and seen then that anonymity

is most free

for development

most truthfully

without need

to prove

and especially

with the loss of fear for death

though for a great part

as in a world of fame

is for sure the fear for death

because intuitively one must feel

fame is but temporary

and binding

with ties

to this temporary thing world

must have said

already anyone

in the ever


to be continued maybe


this text (which must not be confused with 'poem') is in 'unnative english', is in other grammar
often, so one is more "forced" to use one's own mind as much as possible
to relate the connections in
the grammatical gaps


~though it might be impractical or so,
all this webproject which consists
of text, of installations, of poems, of photographs,
of anyway visuality, of the totality of this cyberproject
is not meant to be printed out
because it was made for the cyberspace,
in cybermaterial
that is ' inbetween material'
and is meant as material ("but it is inbetween") inbetween ("but it is no material"),
as "material" it is sort of science with fiction
but not as what is now science-fiction
anyway, is not meant as substitute for paper or so.


This is what is with the establishment or bourgeoisie:
taking all for granted. More or less innocently walsing over.
Or always pre-occupied. It doesn't matter
in what 'profession' they are.
They can even be "poets" too.
Establishment implies in fact
the innocently more or less conscious unknowingly untotal way of living,
causing also enmity, ethnic conflict,
or any way of making problems in the world now.
While it makes life very interesting, investigating
oneself in the first place. But likely one must not expect
to become saint or so, but a more or less mature human.
Maybe. In fact the living is more important than the maybe result
and at least immediately interesting.
This way of life is
maybe a deeper way, straightly ontological in fact, and making
such easy to understand, to know, to feel.
It doesn't exclude
experiences that a human might have to go through.
It is not like living in a monastry or so. And it doesn't exclude
grief. Maybe even, grief is necessary to understand joy.
As we are here, this EartH, temporary anyway, it is more likely that we can only
come to know 'few', but the least we can do, maybe, is
to very well know that whatever 'few' and to not exploit, for
that would make it disappear only so we cannot live it,
[meaning: then it will haunt us while we have lost sight of it...,
and it, what we made disappear from our sight in sensing it,
will hollow us out by haunting us, causing more death fear
and more exploiting and more death fear and so on,
sorry for this interruption]
but to try to know that whatever 'few' we happen to
sort of encounter. Always maybe feeling some unexperienced part
going with it too, that might be in total contrast of very deeply known
experiences. Though such can cause grief, i feel it all is worth
living.
This voice must be universal and no more from only me.
Though i made this here while typing.
It however is important that one truly lives this oneself by oneself.
In one's very own way. To come to know. To know the words.
To know distinction and why. To know several meaning.
To try out several meaning for oneself, not for others.
Though such can be dangerous for oneself.
There seems to be
no other way. Though one could try if such is true.
But remains: the only way is living oneself.

When for myself: i find my life not bad.
I fell in because i fell out.
That, is no metaphore
because one really can have experienced
a deep falling
so the words are true
and exactly related to the experience.
I learned and still learn, for example,
to live with being not understood often
and i feel it then very lucky
being in the profession of poetess actually
since "traditionally" that profession is a lonely
profession, that is: without others around.
So for me it is not hard to be alone often.
And it is not sad.
In fact: i don't feel alone because i realize
the world is filled with lots of people
and some might be similar in mind, because one can
never be that unique. Also my being alone often
does not make me distant to what happens in the world
as war is going on or so. Or many other problems.
In fact i am interested in solving problems, but i know
language has various and many layers and many unexpected
layers, as i see, and many ways of understanding. Since
everyone carries their very own personal history, language, whether
of words or other, is very much related to experience
and often barricaded by some political dogma or ideology.
Or some other bad experience anyway.
It remains someone's very own choice and choices can only be
made in conscious effort, to choose for freedom within
oneself and one can only do so by and with oneself for oneself only,
though such makes it for others easier too. Logically associating.
So solving problems one can only do for oneself,
in the first place, and so i am not interested in mass
calling because such can only result in indoctrination
so i am not interested in solving problems speaking to
masses of people or so. I even find such ridiculous.
And i know it only would exhaust me which is bad for my health.
Though anyway solving deep world problems, i probably only
like because i am interested. I don't have the illusion
i will reach many people, i don't interest so much
for big quantity, but more tiny. Though all this must
have to do with my personal experience i had already.
Still i am convinced that 'ego' is very interesting
to investigate. Also that 'ego' has not only "bad" aspects
at all: it is one of the aspects that makes a human
a geniously created creature. But so 'ego' is not all
that makes a human, though it often might seem so.
Since i feel this is the most important problem of the world
or so of humanity, i am interested. Now, though it is
night, here, in the house, a butterfly flies in front of
this computerscreen, landing on papers, such is
fine. If i would be too many times with too many people
only, i would not see this other creature, for example.
Maybe i am interested for the rare parts, because i
realize this life at least is given once. It is not important
to me whether this life would have been taken by me. I like it to be
given because such implies a gift. There had been
a time i wasn't able to see such as now at all, like as during
the deep falling which falling however resulted in a wound
that at first did not look like of this world, but was.
I am not sure if one has to face death in order to live.
I am not sure if one can really live without knowing on death.
For maybe it is best to only know on life.
Though these times must make the difference clear
between life and death, not mix these up
when both are not fully understood yet.



(later maybe, i will present maybe not in text
some more on: relation metonymia and anonimity)
go back for a while